There are more than a few signs your ex is pretending to be over you. Many may wonder why they would pretend at all. Well, people are peculiar beasts. Whatever the reason may be, when you still love someone, you want them in your life, and that’s not an easy thing to hide.
If you have a weird feeling your ex is faking it and not actually moving on, you’re probably right. But, just to be sure, here are 16 definitive signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
1. They Keep Calling
It’s perfectly normal to keep in touch with people that are near and dear to your heart. Just because you and your ex broke up, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t call from time to time to see how they are doing.
Now, the key phrase here is “from time to time.” If your ex keeps calling every or every other day, just to check in and see how you’re doing, they’re probably not over you.
I had a similar issue with one of my exes. He was still in love with me and would use every opportunity to call. Something bad happened? He’d call me to tell me about it. Something great happened? He’d call me to tell me about it. Something weird happened? He’d… You get the picture.
2. They Keep Looking at You (And It’s Awkward)
Many former couples navigate their breakup while staying a part of the same group of friends. They hang out with the same people, and sometimes even have to see each other at group gatherings while the breakup is still fresh.
Now, I personally think this is a living nightmare of a situation. But if that is your reality, pay attention to how they act while you’re in a group. You can find plenty of signs your ex is pretending to be over you if you do so. For example, if they won’t stop trying to make eye contact with you, that’s a strong sign that they still have strong feelings for you.
3. They Insist That You Stay Friends (and Justify Frequent Contact With That)
I’m not saying that people can’t stay friends after a breakup. However, immediately after a breakup, most people need time to heal and get over what happened. Well, that’s true only if they are OK with what happened in the first place.
Insisting that you stay friends is one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. Now, there’s a difference between staying friendly and on good terms and insisting that you act like best friends.
A person that’s not over you will insist on the latter. They’ll also think that you should see each other often — just like friends do, right? They’ll make time for you, and blow off other people or obligations so that they can hang out with you.
4. They Are Constantly Talking About You to Other People
When someone has been a massive part of your life, it’s completely normal and natural to bring them up from time to time. I was in a relationship for five years, and when we broke up, meeting new people and sharing anecdotes from the past was quite tricky without mentioning my ex. He was such an unavoidable part of my life.
So, mentioning your ex is perfectly normal, as long as it’s sporadic and not forced. If your ex keeps talking about you so much that other people are noticing the oddness of that particular behavior, then it’s safe to say they are still not ready for that chapter of their life to be over.
5. They’re Asking About You
An ex that isn’t over you will keep in touch with your friends and family. They’ll frequently make contact with them to “see how you’re doing.”
In reality, they probably know that they can’t call you as often as they’d like, so they are looking for alternative sources of information. Also, let’s be honest — if they are calling your mom, they’re trying to get in her good graces. They’re probably hoping that she’ll be their advocate and convince you to take them back.
6. They Are Not Moving on
Some of my exes tried to convince me that they are finding themselves and have no need to find someone new after our breakup. That is quite admirable. We should all work on bettering ourselves. It’s also poppycock, and most definitely a tactic.
So if your ex isn’t moving on, you have every right to be suspicious. They might be waiting to see if you’ll change your mind. If that’s the case, they don’t want to ruin their chances by being with someone else.
7. or They Are Overcompensating in the “I’ve Moved on” Department
There are only two ways this situation can go. One of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you is their attitude toward moving on. In other words, they either won’t see anyone new, or they’ll see a lot of new people.
If your ex is hooking up or going on dates with a lot of girls but keeps insisting that they aren’t “girlfriend material,” they might be secretly pining after you. They probably figure that they can have some fun while they are waiting for you to change your mind but aren’t looking for anything serious (because they still love you).
8. If They’ve Moved On, They Did so With Someone Who Looks Extremely Similar to You
There’s really no reason to delve any deeper here. If your ex has a new boo that looks familiar to the image you see in the mirror every morning — they aren’t over you.
Sure, they might just have a type. However, if they were over you, they probably wouldn’t find a new fling that looks like you because they’d think that you’d think precisely what you’re thinking right now. Confusing? Yes. True? Also probably yes.
9. Their New Partner Doesn’t Like You
If your ex’s new partner doesn’t like you, either they are bad-mouthing you, or they aren’t over you. Listen, it takes a lot to have strong feelings about someone. Had your ex managed to convince their new partner that you guys are over and that there’s nothing between you, they’d probably try to be pleasant to you.
But if the new partner trying to mark their territory, there’s probably a good reason for that. They might be feeling insecure because they know (or at least suspect) that your ex isn’t over you.
10. They Keep Asking About Your Love Life
It’s normal to be curious about your ex-partner. After all, you want to know if they are well, thriving, or doing better than you. We’re all petty from time to time, don’t be ashamed of that!
But, if your ex keeps asking about your love life, they might be scared that you’ll actually move on.
11. And Trying to Convince You That You Chose a Bad Partner
Bad-mouthing your new love interests in one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. Whenever you mention someone new (probably prompted by your ex’s incessant questioning), your ex will jump to say how that person is terrible for you.
They might be ugly, or stupid, or a loser — your ex will say anything to convince you that the new person in your life is not only bad for you but also not better than they are.
12. They Are Constantly Flirting With You
I have a naturally flirty personality, and people often think I’m seriously hitting on them when I’m making small talk. However, no matter how flirty I am, I have never flirted with my ex, even unintentionally. I am so conscious of my behavior around my exes, especially if the breakup is recent, that there’s no way I’d slip and flirt.
So, if your ex is flirting with you and keeps calling that “an accident,” don’t believe them. They are doing it on purpose, probably to spark something in you.
13. They Call or Text When They Are Drunk
Many of us aren’t strangers to drunk dialing. I’m a bit ashamed to admit, but, whenever I drunk dialed someone, it was because my sober self also wanted to do that, but knew better.
If your ex is constantly drunk dialing you or calling every time they go out and get a little tipsy, that’s a definite sign that they are thinking about you often. And where there’s smoke, there’s fire, which means they probably aren’t as over you as they are trying to make you think.
14. They Keep Going Over Your Breakup
During those delightful convos where your ex is drunk, and it’s three in the morning, they might let slip that they aren’t over you. They just won’t say it clearly and in so many words. But, they’ll do something even better.
They’ll show you that they still think about you, and about what happened to make you two break up. If they are constantly rehashing your breakup, that means they are trying to find its cause, probably because they think (or subconsciously believe) that they can fix it and get you back.
15. They Are Apologizing About Their Past Mistakes a Lot
If your ex and their behavior are the main causes of your break up, they’ll probably try to apologize for that. That’s not one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you, but that they are a decent human being.
However, if they keep apologizing about it and say things along the lines of how they wish they could undo it, or go back in time and make themselves see reason, then they are probably still in love with you and want you back.
16. They Are in Denial
If your ex isn’t accepting the fact that you two aren’t together and, more importantly, aren’t getting back together, then they are in denial. Talking about how you want them back or how it’s just a matter of time before you guys are blissfully happy together again is a sure sign of denial.
A Few Parting Words
Any and all of these are sure signs your ex is pretending to be over you. Of course, it’s all a matter of circumstance and your situation. If you think your ex is faking it, keep a close eye on their behavior. One or two of these signs aren’t that unusual. It can be a coincidence, after all. But noticing ten signs probably means that you need to have a long talk with your ex.