When you’re dating someone and are in a relationship, physical affection and intimacy are part of it. But, if you’re a practicing Christian and/or are dating one, you may have wondered, “Is kissing before marriage a sin?”
With relationships, especially new ones, you want to give it your all but you don’t have to compromise your religious beliefs to make someone feel loved and special. Here’s a brief overview of what the Bible says about kissing and how you can make the situation a win-win for your love life and faith.
What Does the Bible Say About Kissing?
There are different kinds of kisses mentioned in the Bible. Kissing is a form of greeting among friends and family as Jesus did with his disciples. There are also biblical passages found in the Bible regarding kisses that indicate different meanings.
Here are some examples from the Bible where kissing is acceptable:
#1. Kiss As a Form of Welcome and Acknowledgment – Genesis 29:10-12
“Now, as soon as Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob came near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth and watered the flock of Laban, his mother’s brother. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and wept aloud. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s kinsman, and that he was Rebekah’s son, and she ran and told her father.”
#2. Kiss As a Form of Greeting – 1 Peter 5:14 ESV
“Greet one another with the kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”
#3. Kiss As a Form to Convey Comfort and Oneness – 1 Samuel 20:41
“And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most.”
The Bible describes kissing as primarily an act that stems from tradition and culture and kissing before marriage has a very minimal mention in it. You also have to consider the intent of the kiss for it to be deemed wrong or lustful.
In the example above for Genesis 29:10-12, Jacob kissed Rachel, and even though they were not married yet, their kiss was not sinful.
However, there are certain verses specific to sexual immorality and lust in the Bible that are not acceptable in God’s eyes.
Here are some examples from the Bible that talk about how sexual immorality is sinful:
#1. 1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
#2. Mark 7:22-23
“Coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
#3. Ephesians 5:3
“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.”
Can We Kiss Before Marriage?
The Bible doesn’t explicitly say that couples cannot kiss before marriage. But the message is clear — if kissing leads to temptation and you and your partner engage in sexual sin, the Bible does not condone it.
You can kiss so long as the intention is not immoral and you stay within your set boundaries without feeling guilty or dissatisfied.
Yes, it is possible to keep a kiss chase so long as your convictions to your belief are strong.
How To Politely Refuse A Kiss Before Marriage
Kissing and physical intimacy are common forms of showing affection between couples and are acceptable ways of expressing your love to your partner.
But if you are firm with your conviction of abstaining from kissing before getting married to your partner, then your other half should be on board with it.
It can feel pretty overwhelming (and sometimes hard) to politely refuse a kiss from someone you care about, and it is not an easy road making them see it from your point of view. But, here are a few ways to try and make your partner understand:
#1. Talk To Them Beforehand
Open and honest communication plays a critical role in any relationship. And part of honest communication is setting boundaries that your partner understands and accepts.
If you plan on abstaining from kissing, you must discuss it with your partner preferably at the onset of your relationship. This established proper expectations, and it should prevent further discussions about it during the relationship.
You also need to be vocal about the “parameters” of kissing — are quick pecks on the cheek acceptable? What about kisses on the forehead or on the hand?
Being clear about your boundaries would also allow you to discover if your partner will respect and work with you.
#2. Be Honest About Your Beliefs
Being truthful to yourself and your partner is a major element of a successful relationship. You are not required to alter your beliefs to please someone else, no matter how special this person is.
Be honest when explaining your beliefs about kissing before marriage to your partner. You should also be very clear that your partner should not try to change your mind or try to persuade you otherwise.
This is also the perfect avenue for you and your partner to discuss the possible impact of not kissing in your relationship. Most people, especially those who did not grow up religiously, might find this practice inhibiting. So, it is equally important to ask your partner to be honest about how they feel about it and that they are comfortable with it.
#3. Do Not Give Them False Hopes
Nothing is more heartbreaking and disappointing in a relationship than harboring assumptions and “…but I thought” statements.
If you give any indication that you are okay with kissing before marriage, it can cause your partner to think that you are ready to add some intimacy to your relationship. Only to end up in frustration, hurt, and disappointment.
And these emotions your partner may feel are valid. So, you need to make sure that you are consistent with your behavior and actions to ensure there would be no kisses (or actions that can tempt kisses) during the relationship.
Causing your partner to second guess your stance based on your actions can lead to arguments and bitterness. You don’t want to plant a seed of resentment because of assumptions and false hopes.
Is Kissing Before Marriage a Sin?
Kissing before marriage is not always considered a sin. It becomes sinful only when the kiss changes your thoughts and behaviors into something lustful.
As a devout Christian, you need to decide for yourself whether kissing leads you into temptation. If kissing causes you or the other person to become sinful and creates negative thoughts and ugly behaviors, then you have your answer.
Be careful about what you have in your heart and mind. While your faith may be strong, you still have to maintain control when kissing.
Like Corinthians 10:23 advises, “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible but not everything is constructive.”