This is not a place where anyone wants to be. With life being what it is, breakups are an inevitable part of life and they happen to the best of us. If you’re anything like me after a breakup, you’re probably at this very moment trying to quell a feeling of desperation and thinking frantically about how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Fear not. No matter how ugly the breakup or the situation, I want you to do one thing for me: I want you to take a breath. Just as with any emergency or any misfortune in life, nothing good ever comes from a frenzied mind. When you wonder how to get your ex-boyfriend back, you’re thinking with your heart and right now we need you to be in a place of calm and clear thinking. After all, if emotions could solve problems, then we wouldn’t be here and all would be well.
Whether it’s been a day or a year, I’m here to help you get through this. Breakups can leave even the strongest of us struggling in their wake so I hope that by the time this article is finished you will have a renewed resolve to take charge of yourself and your relationship as a better and stronger person.
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Fast
I’m sorry to break this to you, but unless your breakup was over some silly argument that just happened at a bad time, there is probably no getting your boyfriend back quickly. Being in a relationship is a mutual decision, and while you might want to be back in a relationship, that doesn’t necessarily ring true for him.
If you did break up over something silly, then, by all means, reach out to him, and broker a truce, but if it was over something more serious, then you should probably stick around and get comfortable. We have a couple of things to think about and go over together.
Realistic Chances of Getting Back Together with Your Ex-Boyfriend
First things first, what do you think the chances are that the two of you might get back together? Did you break it off or did he? Was your fight over something small or something more major? Has your relationship been struggling for some time before the breakup happened? Were there major conflicts in beliefs or priorities that caused a rift in your relationship?
Remember, as painful as it is, you need to be honest here. As much as we hate the fact, wishful thinking will not bring him back. Having a realistic assessment of the situation will help you move forward regardless of whether you do it on your own or as part of a couple.
Reasons Why He Does Not Want to Get Back with You
Laying aside the Hollywood stereotypes we’re often presented with like the “it’s not me, it’s you,” the cheating boyfriend or girlfriend, and losing interest, there is a myriad of reasons relationships don’t work out. It’s impossible to list them all, but here are some which will hopefully bring you some cathartic relief:
• Differences in beliefs where you were both unwilling to compromise
• Explosive and unhealthy fights or arguments
• Wanting different things
• Change in personality, preferences, or priorities
• Failure to communicate
• Lack of affection
• Being too needy
• Not accepting each other’s faults and shortcomings
• No long-term potential
• Lack of trust
• Lack of intimacy
• Not being the “right” person
• Holding on to the past
• Not listening to each other
• Taking each other for granted
Relationships are complicated. You may blame each other, but it isn’t necessarily all your fault or all his fault. As you recount the reasons why you’re no longer together, be gentle with yourself.
If you realize that there were areas where you could have done better, learn from it and use that knowledge to improve the next time you’re with somebody. At the same time, try not to overthink things and simply accept that there are events you may never fully understand no matter how important they are to you.
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When He Broke Up with You?
Truth be told, one of the most generous things you can do in a situation like this is to respect your ex-boyfriend’s decision.
However, if you want to get your ex-boyfriend back, my advice for you is going to sound counterintuitive. Leave him alone. Every cell in your body is going to resist this advice, but your best bet in getting him back is by giving him some space.
Have you ever had someone tell you to do something you didn’t feel like doing every five minutes? That’s how your boyfriend is going to feel if you get in touch with him. But what did you do once the person stopped nagging you? I rest my case.
The Science Behind Breakups
It seems overly simplistic, but according to a Live Science article, couples who tend to associate their partners with negative words like “death” or “confusion” are more likely to break up. The same article, however, mentioned how researchers who studied a group of college students recovered in half the time that they expected to.
Real Reasons Why He Broke Up with You
This question is one for the universe. As I mentioned earlier, relationships are complicated and hardly anyone ever understands the reasons why relationships don’t work out.
There are general reasons like unmet needs or having unrealistic expectations for each other, but after all is said and done, there is no “one real reason” why any man or woman leaves a relationship. Most likely, it is a combination of factors over time. Rather than the question “why,” perhaps a better question is “what now?”
Recognize the Red Flags in Your Relationship
Despite wanting him back, I am sure you have also entertained the idea that perhaps your relationship was not meant to work out at one time or another. You might have noticed some red flags while you were dating or after you had entered into a relationship. Either way, red flags should never be ignored and if your boyfriend exhibited any of these signs, you should rethink getting back together with him.
You know you’ve got trouble ahead when you see these signs in your partner:
• Tends towards violence towards others or you
• Overly controlling and tries to limit who you see and are in contact with
• Has a history of abuse
• Has an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or anything similar
• Emotionally abusive, constantly criticizing or accusing you
• Is overly jealous
• Pushes your boundaries, doesn’t take “no” for an answer
• Overly secretive
• Inexplicably unkind to family
• Have a history of cheating on partners
• Overly promiscuous
• Refuses to acknowledge you in public
• Using guilt or other emotions to manipulate you
How to Get Your Boyfriend Back When He Has Moved On
The short and difficult answer to this is: you don’t. If you see your boyfriend moving on before you have, the best thing to do is take it as a sign that perhaps you should as well.
The worst thing you can do if you see your boyfriend with somebody new is to act and feel affected. If it is impossible to at least be neutral when you see him with someone else, then avoid all possible contact for now. Take time to nurse that wound and heal.
Strategies You Can Use to Win Him Back
Relationships are tricky. The best strategy to win guys back is to usually move on, and I mean genuinely move on. When your ex sees you living a full and joyful life without him, there is a chance that it will remind him of why he wanted to be in a relationship with you in the first place, but that will only happen if you dust yourself off and move forward without him.
Utilize Regret as A Power
It’s the classic catch-22: the best way to get him back is to not want him back. Getting over him and living life well will likely trigger in him some regret that you’re no longer together, but by the time that happens you may not even want him back anymore.
Notwithstanding, regret is a powerful tool in helping you win your ex-boyfriend back. Let him see you happy, whole, and fulfilled and the chances are high that you’ll hear from him.
Ways to Control Your Emotions After Breaking Up with Him
I hate to be tough on you, but you’re going to need to let your head be in control for the next couple of weeks regardless of what your heart says. It’s okay to wallow after a breakup, but remember to push yourself forward as well so you don’t stay there forever. Go out and spend time with friends and family. Maybe it’s time to focus on your career, adopt a pet, find a new hobby you love.
You had a life before this man. It’s time to take it back even if it’s one piece at a time.
No-Contact Technique and How Does It Works
Remember when I told you earlier that your best bet in winning him back is by leaving him alone? That’s the no-contact technique in a nutshell. That means no text messages, no phone calls, no sappy emails, and no accidentally passing by his house.
The no-contact technique is based on the premise that if you’re always around presenting yourself to him, how can he miss you?
Delete that number and call your friends instead whenever you have the urge to call him. The no-contact technique is not just good for getting him back, but for moving on as well.
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Over Text
Simply put, follow the no-contact rule. Delete his phone number and send those messages to a dummy number instead.
Dealing with Social Media
Stalking our ex on social media is a guilty pleasure we’ve all partaken in from time to time. While this is a relatively safer way to indulge your emotions, looking at his Facebook or Instagram profile can backfire. What would you do if you saw him with another girl, or heaven forbid, see that “In a relationship” status?
Have a quick look at your ex’s social media profile if you must, but the best option if you don’t want to delete him as a friend, is to mute his profile notifications. You can be friends again someday, but it’s best for both of you to keep a low profile for now.
Ways to Improve Interaction to Get Him Back
Unless you’re classmates, officemates, or in any situation where you’re still required to see each other, you should not be having any interactions with your ex. Even then, it should be no more than a cordial “hi,” “hello,” and “how are you?”
Anything more and you’re bound to become an emotional mess, laying your heart on the line when the person at the receiving end may not be receptive to it.
How to Make Your Ex-Boyfriend Want You Back After He Dumped You?
If you’ve just broken up, take a deep breath. If your ex broke up with you during a fight, it may just have been in the heat of the moment. Perhaps it was merely an ill-timed conversation for both of you.
Once you’ve calmed down, reach out to him and if he has likewise settled down, you can have an adult conversation about whether you would like to stay together or not. However, if you were both calm when the breakup happened, it’s most likely a decision that came from ample reflection and thought.
If it’s the latter and you want him back, it isn’t likely that you’ll be making up with him anytime soon. Give him the space he needs instead and respects his decision.
Become Unattainable for Him
What do you do while you’re giving him space? There’s no reason why you can’t make this time work to your advantage too. Indulge in some self-care while nursing that broken heart. Do the things that you enjoyed before you became a couple.
Chances are, there are activities and relationships that you left on the wayside while you were with him. Rediscover them and find genuine happiness in the process. Maybe, just maybe, with enough time you will not only seem unattainable to your ex but will be unattainable due to your newfound joy and purpose.
How to Get Back with Your Ex-Boyfriend Permanently
We may see a “happily ever after” whenever we see our ex, but if he doesn’t feel the same way, then there is nothing you or I could do or say to make him stay with you. We need to respect the wishes of the other person even if we want something different for them.
Who can tell? Someday you and your ex might reconcile, but it’s less likely to happen if you keep pursuing him even after he has told you not to.
Understand Why He Does Not Want to Commit to You
Maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a serious commitment in the first place. Maybe he changed his mind.
Regardless of why he chose to break up with you, take a step back from the situation and work on accepting the fact that this person is not at the place where you need him to be. In the meantime, there could be someone else out there who could meet your emotional needs at the level of maturity you’re prepared to offer.
Learn How to Make Him Commit to You
Unfortunately, commitment isn’t something demanded, but freely given. Anything less or in between is a pretense that’s doomed to end sooner or later.
If you are willing to commit yourself to a relationship, it’s logical that you receive the same level of commitment as well. It’s a decision that two people make at the beginning and not a privilege that either partner needs to earn from the other. Please don’t settle for less when you don’t have to.
Sweet Things to Say to Your Ex-Boyfriend to Get Him Back
Were you affectionate to your ex when you were together? Unless being cold and distant was one of the reasons you broke up, there probably isn’t a lot you can say now that would suddenly make him change his mind about the relationship.
I’ll tell you one thing though: the fact that you Googled “Sweet things to say to your ex-boyfriend to get him back” already shows that you’re not that bad and probably have a lot of love to give. Keep on being a loving person and be ready to dole it out for the one who wants to be with you.
Understand the Importance of Talking on the Phone with Him
As you may well know, communication is important in any relationship. If your ex wants to keep communication lines open for possible reconciliation and those terms are okay with you, then by all means. Technology gives us many options to keep in touch with the one we love.
However, if you did break up, then it’s probably because one or both of you needs space. If this is the case, talking on the phone isn’t a very good idea at the moment.
Value of Special Occasions for Him
If you and your ex parted on generally amicable terms and you want to win him back, then there shouldn’t be any harm in remembering special occasions. Birthdays, big events in his life like passing a milestone exam or earning a promotion are all good opportunities to let him know that you remembered him and are thinking of him. A text message or a short phone call would be appropriate.
Be careful to keep any contact with him casual and to steer clear of mentioning the relationship. If you parted ways, it’s good for the both of you to have some positive interactions between you. Bringing up a topic that is emotionally charged can ruin the delicate balance between you.
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Using Male Psychology
Let me preface this section by saying that men want what they cannot have. It’s one of those tired clichés that are overused precisely because it is true. It’s that catch-22 all over again: make him want you by not wanting him.
Using Emotional Triggers to Get Him Back
You can make your ex feel guilty for deserting you. You can make him see how miserable your breakup has made you. You can tell him again and again how much you love him.
But guilt won’t make him come back to you. He won’t change his mind because he feels sorry for you. Men aren’t wired that way. They don’t choose to settle down based on who makes them feel the guiltiest.
They’re all looking for “the one.” “The one” is a woman who doesn’t need him. It’s a woman who’s fulfilled, confident, and happy on her own. In fact, as strange as it sounds, this ideal they’ve built up in their minds doesn’t want or need them but goes about happily oblivious to them.
They are perfectly happy chasing women, and, after a lengthy and arduous pursuit, will happily settle down with their prize thinking that they have bested bigger and better men than themselves.
Ironically, when you’ve healed enough to adopt this attitude of indifference towards your ex, that’s probably when he’ll come ‘round again. You’ll notice that I said “when” and not “if” because you will get over this. Now, if you decide to take him back after you’ve begun to feel better again, that’s up to you.
How Reverse Psychology Works?
Reverse psychology is a big part of how the male psyche operates. If you’ve ever wanted something more because somebody told you that it’s off-limits, that’s the male psyche in a nutshell.
How to Get Your Long-Distance Ex-Boyfriend Back
Fix Long-Distance Problems with Your Ex
Did you and your ex break up because your relationship couldn’t take long-distance? If you still want to give it a try, then schedule a talk with him. As weird as it sounds to have to make an appointment to see your ex, it’s important to acknowledge that you both have your schedules because your relationship is long distance. It’s also important to have him acknowledge that you are setting aside this time to hopefully fix things and it’s a matter that deserves his full attention.
Make an effort to have this conversation in person. For two people who love each other, your presence can help remind each of you why you chose to be in this relationship. During this important conversation, it would be good to discuss how you can see each other more frequently and how you might, in time, live together in the same city.
Long-distance relationships are hard, but as long as it is a temporary arrangement and not the accepted norm for your relationship going forward, they can result in happy unions.
Read Books on How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
Books are powerful tools for self-improvement. Here are a few that you might want to consider for this time of personal growth:
How to Get Your Ex Back by Kimberly Hunter and Ryan Morris
The two authors of this book are actual real-life couples who broke up and got back together. In this book, they share what they learned about themselves during the experience.
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
This is a classic book on relationships. It will help you understand why you behave the way you do in your relationships and will help you become a better partner.
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön
Chödrön’s book urges readers to forgive themselves, to keep changing and growing despite the adversities we face.
I urge you to look into these books and other publications which may be of interest to you. Scan the reviews to see which ones would be particularly interesting to you and are relevant to your situation.
The Bottom Line
Congratulations on making it to the end of our article. I hope that it provides you with some comfort. I hope it helps you understand how to get your ex-boyfriend back. Despite things not having gone the way you planned, it will get better and you will come out of this stronger and better than ever.
Be patient. Be gentle with yourself. You will get there.